Saturday 29 December 2007

To my frend Waleed

Waleed, i was sitting here and writing an apology but then i realised why am i doing this? if wat i wrote isnt true about my father then u tell me wats true. Go ahead. If wat i wrote isnt true then tell me why he did all those things. is it so wrong to want to know the truth? For me i have found out after years of searching, and you know wat, i went to my father and told him wat i had heard and he told me it was true, so excuse me for wanting to know why my arse hole of a father burnt me, kicked me and even beat me like mad. I thought out of all the people in the world Waleed you'd be the one who would understand me,but no. Your saying its insultive and wrong. Then tell me wat is the truth my frend. Jst tell me. If i hav heard it come out of my fathers mouth, wat more proof do i need? I cant take back wat i said but i can say one thing, i am glad i found out the truth because now after 10 years i can finally move on.

Friday 28 December 2007

Saudi Womens Rights

this all started from someone saying that saudi women are useless, and that person was a saudi, so this is wat a saudi woman said in return:

Saudi society is based on masters and slaves, or, to be more precise, masters and maids because the masters are the men and the maids are the women.

The ownership of a woman is passed on from one man to another. Ownership of the woman is passed on from the father or the brother to another man, the husband. The woman is merely a piece of merchandise, which is passed over to someone else - her guardian.

How do you recognize a maid or a slave? The decision making is out of their hands. All the decisions are made by the master. Women today re not allowed to make any kind of decision - not about work, marriage, studies, medical treatment, leaving the house or travelling.

I believe that in general, for the saudi woman, everyday is a new battle. She needs to find ways to live on the face of this earth without colliding with the law, with men, with society, with the religious clerics or with the political establishments. She is besieged.

There are five types of shackles, or jails, for the saudi woman - if she manages to escape one, she might enter another. The first is the tribe, then comes the family, then the religious institutions, the political establishment and finally society. Where ever you go you encounter a battle. What are you to do?

With in every saudi woman there is a Scheherazade. Imagine Scheherazade trying every night to stay alive until the next. Thats how i see the saudi woman. Some might say that i am exaggerating, but .... I know that some of our women live in prosperity and freedom but and i am one of them but to what extent? To what extent do you own what you possess?

Hypothetically speaking, if who ever gave you that freedom decided to take it away from you - would you have the ability to escape this punishment?

The woman is raised to fear man and society. Why does she accept this upbringing? Because she stands to lose a lot if she rebels. when a man rebels he might collide with the political establishment only, but a woman collides with several institutions. Ultimately, i dont know if people have noticed but when a woman starts to become liberated, she is not respected by society, but when a man raises the banner of liberation and calls for equality and liberalism he is highly respected and is always given prominence. Even the state shows respect for the man who speaks freely but not to a woman who speaks freely.

She pays the price on every level - her family, religion and society.

Saudi women I think are greatly feared. When i compare the saudi man to other arab men, i can say the saudi man is the only man who could not compete with the woman. why could he not compete with her? because he has great fear of the woman. The woman has capabilities. When women study, they compete with the men for jobs. 90% of jobs are open to men so they dont feel any competition. Saudi men do not face competition from non-saudi men, who are also considered of lower status. The saudi is a man who has never known the meaning of everting efforts in order to realize a dream. I am not talking about all men, but about most of them.

If they do not face competition from saudi women, and not from the non-saudi man, they have the entire scene for themselves. All positions and jobs are reserved for them. Therefore, they are spoiled self-indulged men.

Monday 24 December 2007

am i going crazy?

hmm, it seems many people judge before they have a chance to hear the truth. right now, literally 2 minutes ago i was brutally beatn up by my cousin, and all because she thought i had touched her stuff.

i know this may soudn ridiculous but it seems people have ways of calculating things and the answe they get isnt the truth. i stood there smiling and she walked in smiling, she walked into the room singing a lovely tune. then with out me even seeing she swung at me and started to punch me, now i am sure u r aware i aint the strong type of girl and this girl was huge, bigger than usuall.

at the end, i started to laugh, i knw, sooooo crazy. i got up and started to laugh. i was bleeding and my finger is broken. i am having quite some difficulty in typing. hmmmm, the pain is here yet i hav no tears, i am shaking yet i feel no fear towards this person.

wat the hell has happened to me? i am suppose to be on the floor in pain but no, i sit here talking to my self as if i am some kind crazy girl. may be i am, maybe i aint? who cares?!!! i got the shit kicked outta me and all i can think about is writing it on my blog? oh my god! i think i am delusional. hmm ah well, off to grab some pills for the pain in moment, oh how i hate christmas eve, all the shops r closed. i am gonna be walking for ages before i find a shop open at this time of night. hmmm, my finger is swollen, i'll put soem ice on it. ok.

well i dont knw wat more to say really. i jst kinda wanted to see if i could still type with a broken finger. ok now, see ya later and hope u all have a nice vacation, enjoy!

Sunday 23 December 2007

my weird yet wonderful eid

Eid, a day where people get together and remember God. they spend Eid with their family and friends and they have fun, but who says you cant hav fun alone?

so there i was, right after eid prayer, standing alone in the middle of the ummah (community), i jst looked at those girls. standing there i realised they were gonna go home and get ready to go out with men who see them as sex objects. i on the other hand decided to go home and try to think about wat the imam had said. he had given a speech about being who u trully r and making sure u feel comfortable. i though to my self was i trully who i wanna be or was i jst another fake girl?

i heard a a knock on the door. i opened it. it was my frend Amara, she lives upstairs and was the first person to welcome me into this neighbourhood. as i served her arabian coffee and dates, i knew she was dieing to ask me a question.

she wanted to know whether i would go to the party that my frends were going to. i refused and said i was busy washing my hair, infact i jst didnt want 10 guys staring at me across the room.

ok, stuck again, dont know wat to say. kinda feel tired yet i dont knw why. i am drinking lots of water yet i aint thirsty. hmmm weird right? well thats me :) born into a weird and wonderous world where nothing is normal these days.

Sunday 9 December 2007

Anorexia

Everyday i battle my weight problem, today i wrote a poem to express what its like:

Beautiful Anorixia you take a strole down my mind.
You remind me of what you did to me, you told me you were kind.

Beautiful Anorixia gliding down my brain.
With a single look you can feel my pain.

Beautiful Anorixia you leave tiny footprints in my head.
If only i didnt listen to what you would have said.

Beautiful Anorexia you are apprehensive and frail.
Looking for a friend you sit alone to wale.

Beautiful Anorexia your tears will finally be dried.
For this littel girl should have run to hide.

Beautiful Anorexia you see her sliding down.
You were the only one that, that girl had around.

Beautiful Anorexia you brought her to the brink.
For others have now seen how much she has shrink.

Beautiful Anorexia you are fighting now.
To keep the friend that you once had but then had once pushed down.

Beautiful Anorexia you are to frail to fight.
You must part your long time friend and leave into the night.

Beautiful Anorexia you see her gain her strength.
Soon the pain and suffering will distance into length.

Beautiful Anorexia you take one last visit to the place you once called home.
This girl will never let you visit agian, now your all alone.

Beautiful Anorexia soon you'll find a friend.
And soon someday you'll bring her to The End