It really has been a long time since i "blogged". Well i was just sitting here reading my birthday cards wen it hit me....I hadnt gotten a single card from anyone in my family. As I sat there thinking of the many reasons, I came across the fact that saudis dont "celebrate" birthdays. Now i am not saying this is true and i am not saying its not true but its just something which has always interested me. I have been to countless birthday parties in Saudi and no one has said anything about it being "7aram". As soon as u step out of Saudi its as if ur in another world.
So as I carried on to ponder, something told me to open up my mums old box. I dont know wat it was but i just got up and started to read her diary again. She wrote so many things about being a kid. She died at the age of 18, leaving me at a couple hours old. I am now 18 and start to wonder where I am trully from. Sure I wear the hijab and the abaya in a very ignorant british environment but is it possible to be more "Saudi"???? I cook the food, I wear the clothes...I even listen to the music. I dont do it because I have to but the fact that I love doing it. The food tastes great and the clothes r colourful. Always attracting attention from my western friends.
I guess what I am trying to figure out is if I can be more Saudi. I constantly bug my cousins and aunties to tell me about their lives back in Saudi. There is so much you can get from a diary.
Anyway...Heres a poem to you mama. Allah yar7ama
Allow the identity
to slip from your tongue,
and find resolution
in hearing your name
But intimacy lies
where fear comes undone
And losing seems inevitable
at the end of the game
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