getting in touch with my mother tounge

ok so its late and i cant sleep, so wat do i do?....... well i get in touch with the one thing in my life which has been extremly hard for me, my mother tounge

i always found arabic hard but during my frendship with waleed walla i hav learnt a lot!!! he has taught me so much which i can now use. :D

i have even started to write poems in arabic which for me 6 mnths ago seemed impossible, i would upload it but this damn blog is having difficulties so ur gonna hav to wait ppl.

anyway, lately i hav been looking after my baby neice in my spare time. i do this to help out my cuz whos having a hard time adjusting back to work. anyway, her name is Aryam and she is the sweetest baby u could ever find on earth. wen ever she sees me she is excited and she always puts her head on my shoulder wen she wants to sleep. she is 1 soon and i want to get her a good present but i am stuck for ideas so plz help ppl.

also, well, the feeling i get wen she has to go is like i hav lost a part of me and it feels like it wont ever come back. i feel sad but i also feel happy cause i knw i will get to see her again soon. she makes my day so fun filled and she always puts a smile on my face. she can be hard work but to me she is worth it.

i dont knw why but i jst hav this feeling inside me which i cant explain, its like, ya3ni.....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why is this so hard?! it feels as if i want a child of my own, i knw i sound crazy but to me going through all that pain is worth it. i would happily carry a child for 9 mnths and go through labour jst to hold him/her for one moment and call him/her my child because to me a child is like a ....a.... well that i seriously dont knw wat to say. i said to myself maybe its cause i am alone and i am a young woman, but as time went by i realised that i am mentally and emotionally ready for a child, but one big problem, because of my health it makes carrying a child a dangerous thing, but that will be in the future inshallah (god willing).

anyway, all i do is sit here and think about her smile, wen she smiles at me and shows me her few teeth she has hahahaha

oh aryam i love u so much habibti u r my life and i am so happy u said ur first word infront of me ........mama

anyway, i carry on counting the hours until i see her again, i think i am gonna be a long time